Kissing Coffins Read online

  Why hadn’t I thought of her sooner? At the party, Jameson had asked her out for a date.

  No one stands up Ruby—not even the undead!

  2

  Flower Power

  The following morning I ran full throttle to Armstrong Travel, arriving before the agency opened.

  I heard keys rattling and heels clicking behind me. It was Janice Armstrong, the owner.

  “Where is Ruby?” I asked breathlessly.

  “She doesn’t come in on Tuesdays until the afternoon,” she answered, opening the door.

  “The afternoon?” I groaned.

  “By the way,” she said, moving close, “do you know anything about Alexander’s butler?”

  “Creepy Man?” I asked. “I mean, Jameson?”

  “They were supposed to have a date,” she confessed, switching on the office lights and adjusting the thermostat.

  “How was it?” I asked naively.

  Janice put her purse in her top drawer, turned on her computer, and looked at me.

  “Don’t you already know? He didn’t show,” she said. “And with a stunner like Ruby he was lucky she even looked in his direction!”

  “Did he say why he canceled?” I pressed.

  “No. I thought Alexander would have told you,” she said.

  “Not directly.”

  She shook her head. “A good man is hard to find, you know. But you have Alexander.”

  I bit my black lip.

  “Hey, aren’t you late for school?” she inquired, looking up at the Armstrong Travel clock.

  “I’m always late! Janice, can you give me Ruby’s address?”

  “Why don’t you stop back at the end of the day?”

  “It’s just that she left her compact—”

  “You can leave it here,” Janice suggested.

  The front door opened and in walked Ruby.

  I imagined a jaded woman in jeans holding a cigarette and a beer, but even being jilted, Ruby was in style. She was wearing full makeup and a white sweater and matching tight white slacks.

  “You’re in early today,” Janice said.

  “I have a lot to catch up on,” Ruby replied with a sigh. “What are you doing here?” she asked, surprised to see me.

  “I have something of yours.”

  “If you are here on behalf of Jameson,” she said, “you can tell him I’m sorry I had to cancel.”

  “You? But he was—” I began.

  Ruby settled in at her desk and turned on her computer, accidentally knocking over her cup of pens.

  “Darn it!” she exclaimed, agitated, trying to grab the pens as they fell to the floor.

  Janice and I raced over to help her pick them up. “This has never happened before!” Ruby said angrily. “Now everyone will know.”

  “I knock things over all the time,” I comforted.

  “No, she means about Jameson,” Janice whispered to me. “I got stood up several times before I met my Joe. But I must admit I’m surprised about the butler. It was doubly rude, since we came to the party to support the Sterling family.” Janice glared at me as if Jameson’s no-show was my fault. “I feel as though he stood me up, too.”

  “It’s not the biggest deal,” Ruby said. “Anyway, he’s more…shall I say, eccentric than I am.”

  “He’s a fool,” Janice said.

  “This really surprises me. He was such a gentleman,” Ruby lamented. “And that accent. I guess that’s why I was taken by him.”

  “He likes you, too,” I said. “Only—”

  Both women looked at me as if I were going to reveal national secrets.

  “Only what?” Janice asked.

  “Only…that he should have called.”

  “You’re darn right! I hope you haven’t told anyone about this,” Ruby said worriedly. “In a small town like this, being stood up could ruin my reputation.”

  “You must know something, Raven,” Janice pried.

  “Yes, did Alexander allude to anything?” Ruby asked.

  I had to console my former boss. After all, I was the one who caused Jameson to abandon their date. I couldn’t let Ruby take it personally.

  “Just that the reason he canceled had nothing to do with you,” I said evasively.

  “I bet he has a girlfriend,” Ruby speculated. “I read in Cosmo—”

  “Of course he doesn’t!” I exclaimed with a laugh. “But I need to know something as well. Did Jameson have a trip planned?”

  “Do you know something I don’t?”

  “Did he buy any airline tickets? Or come in asking for any road maps?” I hinted.

  “What aren’t you telling us?”

  Ruby and Janice stared at me hard. I wasn’t about to tell them the truth—that Alexander didn’t reflect in her compact.

  Ruby’s compact! I almost forgot.

  I began to pull it out from my purse when a man dressed in chinos and a red polo shirt entered the office with a grand bouquet. Distracted, I replaced the compact and zipped up my purse.

  “Ruby White?” he asked.

  “I’m Ruby,” she said, her hand waving in the air like she’d just won the coverall at bingo.

  He handed Ruby a bouquet of white roses. She blushed as she took the flowers.

  Flowers for Ruby? They could have been sent from any number of Dullsvillian suitors.

  “What does the card say?” Janice asked eagerly. “I wonder if they’re from Kyle the golf pro.”

  “‘I’m sorry these had to greet you instead of me,’” Ruby read. She looked up in astonishment. “‘Fondly, Jameson.’”

  “Jameson?” I asked, suddenly wide-eyed.

  “How sweet!” Janice said, filling a glass vase from the watercooler. “I told you all along he was wonderful.”

  “Can you believe this?” Ruby wondered aloud, holding the bouquet close.

  “What else does it say?” I asked.

  “Isn’t that enough?” Janice said, inhaling the scent and placing the flowers in the vase. “They’re beautiful!”

  “No info on where the order was placed from?” I inquired.

  Ruby shook her head, distracted.

  “But there has to be—” I mumbled. I looked out the window and saw the deliveryman stepping into a white van with the words FLOWER POWER spelled out in daisies.

  I raced out the door as the van began to drive off. “Wait!” I called, running hard in my combat boots. “You forgot something!”

  But it was too late. The van sped around the corner.

  Breathless and frustrated, I retreated back to the travel agency. I began to open the door when I noticed a piece of paper lying on the sidewalk. It was a Flower Power delivery order. It must have fallen out of the van. I quickly grabbed it, scanning the document for any vital info. The travel agency address was fully disclosed. But the sender’s address was blank. No name. No e-mail. Nothing.

  Then, hidden in the right-hand corner, I noticed a ten-digit number.

  “Can I use your phone, Ruby?” I asked, running inside. “I’ll only be a minute.”

  “Of course,” she said, arranging the roses. At that moment, I could have called Africa and she wouldn’t have cared.

  The area code seemed oddly familiar. I racked my brain. It belonged to a town a couple hundred miles away, where my aunt Libby lived.

  I dialed. Would Alexander’s voice greet me? Ring. Or Creepy Man’s? Ring. Or would it be a dead end? Ring.

  “Thank you for calling the Coffin Club,” a zombie-like voice finally answered. “Our business hours are nightly from sunset to sunrise. Leave a message—if you dare!”

  I let the phone slip from my hand. Ruby was still arranging her flowers.

  “Good goth!” I whispered. “The Coffin Club!”

  3

  Final Departure

  At school I now experienced a newfound popularity. It wasn’t as if I were a celebrity, but schoolmates who had never even looked my way before called, “What’s up, Raven?”

  But be
sides a hello wave, nothing had changed. No one except Matt and Becky invited me to eat lunch, offered me a ride home, or asked me to join their study group. Not one classmate secretly passed me a note or bothered to share his pack of gum. Thankfully, I was too distracted to appreciate any rise in status and spent a morbidly long afternoon in front of the library computer searching the Internet for the Coffin Club.

  “I want to visit Aunt Libby,” I told my parents that night at dinner.

  “Aunt Libby?” my dad asked. “We haven’t seen her in ages.”

  “I know. And it’s about time. Spring break starts Wednesday. I’d like to leave tomorrow afternoon.”

  “I can’t imagine you’d want to be away from Alexander for a minute, much less a few days,” my mom said.

  “Of course I’ll die being away from Alexander,” I exclaimed, rolling my eyes. I could feel my family staring at me, waiting for my next response. “But he’s going to be tied up with his homeschooling exams. So I thought I’d take the opportunity to see Aunt Libby.”

  My parents looked at each other.

  “Are you sure you’re not going there to see a Wicked Wiccas concert?”

  “Dad! They broke up five years ago.”

  “Well, Libby’s not a very good role model,” my dad remarked. “And who knows what neurotic guy she’s involved with this time.”

  “Dad, she’s more like you than you think. You just don’t drive a hippie mobile anymore.”

  “I remember visiting my aunt when I was a teenager,” my mom said. “She took me to see Hair.”

  “See—I need these memorable teen experiences to shape my life.”

  “Libby gets such a kick out of Raven,” she admitted. “It would be good for her as well.”

  “All right,” Dad said reluctantly. “I’ll call her tonight. But if she’s still practicing voodoo, you’re not going.”

  After dinner I met Becky by the swings at Evans Park.

  “I had to talk to you, pronto,” I began.

  “Me, too! Life is so good. Can you believe we both have boyfriends?”

  Even if Alexander weren’t a vampire, the idea of us having boyfriends was still unreal. We’d both been social outcasts for so many years, it was incomprehensible to be accepted by anyone but each other.

  “I need you to come on a little trip with me,” I told her.

  “Trip?”

  “I’m going to visit my aunt Libby and I need you to come!” I exclaimed excitedly.

  “This weekend? I’ll have to ask.”

  “No, I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Matt asked me to watch his soccer game after school.”

  “You just started seeing him!” I argued.

  “I thought you’d be happy for me. Besides, I was going to ask you to come.”

  The thought of watching a soccer game made me want to hurl, but Becky’s glow made me realize I was being selfish. “I am happy for you, but—”

  “Can’t you go another time?” she begged. “We have all spring break to hang out with Matt and Alexander.”

  There was no point arguing. Becky was going to watch Matt’s game tomorrow, just as I was going to search for Alexander. No amount of pleading would make us change our minds. Now that Matt had abandoned his best friend, my nemesis, Trevor, the thorn in my side since kindergarten, he would hang out with Becky all the time. And I was jealous of Becky for having a boyfriend who hadn’t disappeared into the night.

  “Why is this trip so important?” she asked.

  “It’s top secret.”

  “What’s top secret?” Matt inquired, appearing behind us.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, startled. “This is a private meeting.”

  “Becky and I are going to Ace’s Arcade. She told me to meet her here.”

  It was bad enough I was losing Alexander to the Underworld, but when I needed my best friend the most, I was losing her to 3-D pinball.

  “I gotta go,” I said, turning away.

  “So what was your top secret news?” Matt asked. “It’ll be great to hear something other than Trevor’s bogus stories for once.”

  I stared at the happy couple—Cupid’s newest bull’s-eyes.

  “Trevor was right. The Sterlings really are vampires,” I said impulsively.

  They stared at me like I was crazy. Then they burst into laughter.

  I, too, laughed and then walked away.

  I packed my suitcase full of black garments, unsure of what I was preparing for. To be safe I also packed a clove of garlic in Tupperware, Ruby’s compact, and a can of Mace.

  To calm my nerves, I opened my Olivia Outcast journal and made a list of Positives of Dating a Vampire:

  He’ll be around for eternity.

  He can always fly for free.

  I’ll save hundreds of dollars on wedding photos.

  No mirrors to Windex.

  He’ll never have garlic breath.

  I closed my journal. I had one more thing to pack.

  I opened the door to my brother’s room. Billy was tapping his skinny fingers on his computer keyboard.

  “What do you want?” he snapped when I peeked in.

  “Want? It’s not what I want, but rather what I have to give. I picked this up after school today from Software City. They said it was the latest.”

  I showed him Wrestling Maniacs 3.

  “Did you steal it?”

  “Of course not—I may be weird, but I’m not a thief!”

  He reached for the game, but I held it firm. “I just need one thing in return.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I knew it!”

  “It’s just teensy-weensy.”

  “Answers to a test?” he guessed.

  “Not this time.”

  “Need a paper written?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Then what?”

  “I need a fake ID,” I whispered.

  “Aunt Libby is not going to take you to a bar!”

  “Of course she’s not. But it’s really for identification, since I won’t have my driver’s license for a few months.”

  “Use your school ID, then.”

  “I need to be eighteen!” I started to shout. Then I took a deep breath. “There’s a library convention, and I need to be eighteen to check out books.”

  “Whatever! Mom and Dad will kill you! You’re too young to drink.”

  “I’m not going to drink. I just want to hang out.”

  “What would Alexander say if he found that you were going cruising without him?”

  “I’m hoping to meet him there,” I whispered.

  “I knew it! You couldn’t care less about ‘my favorite aunt Libby,’” he said in a girlie voice.

  “Pretty please?” I asked, dangling the game before his computer-strained eyes.

  “Well…”

  “You’ll make it?”

  “No, but I know someone who will.”

  For the first time ever I walked my brother to school—Dullsville Middle. The redbrick building, front lawn, and playground looked surprisingly smaller than when I had attended several years ago.

  “I used to skip class and hide out over there,” I said, pointing to a small athletics equipment shed.

  “I know,” he said. “‘Raven was here’ is scratched all over the side.”

  “I guess I skipped more than I thought,” I said with a grin.

  I felt like a towering gothic giant as I walked up the front lawn among girls sporting Bratz T-shirts and Strawberry Shortcake notebooks and boys with overstuffed Pokémon backpacks.

  I figured we were meeting a corrupt shop teacher, but instead we were greeted at the entrance by an eleven-year-old red-haired wunderkind named Henry.

  “What do you need to make fake IDs for?” I asked him. “Getting into Chuck E. Cheese’s after hours?”

  Billy Boy’s friend gazed up at me, like he’d never seen a real girl up close.

  “You can stare at my picture after you take it,” I jok
ed.

  “Follow me,” he said.

  In the hallway we were stopped by Mrs. Hanley, my sixth grade math teacher.

  “Raven Madison! You look so grown up!”

  I could tell she had expected me to wind up in juvie hall or shipped off to a boarding school. She stared at my brother and me, obviously wondering how two such different human beings could come from the same shared DNA.

  “I never realized Billy was your brother,” she confessed.

  “I know,” I whispered. “I’m amazed, too.”

  “Well, some things haven’t changed,” she said, walking off. She kept looking back as if she had seen an apparition. I knew who’d be the subject of today’s talk around the microwave in the teachers’ lounge.

  We stopped at Henry’s locker, the only one with a combination lock that was hooked up to a garage door opener. Henry flipped the control switch and the combo lock sprung open. Computer games, electronics, and programming manuals were organized in racks like a miniature computer store.

  He pulled out a digital camera hidden underneath a shelf.

  “Let’s go.”

  I followed them around the corner to the computer room. But it was locked. My heart sank.

  “This can’t happen! Break a window if you have to,” I said, half jokingly.

  Both geeky preteens looked at me as if I were the odd one.

  Henry dug into the back pocket of his chinos and pulled out a worn brown leather wallet. He opened it and got out a credit card. He slid the card into the door, jiggled it a little, and within a moment the door slipped open.

  “I like your style,” I said with a smile.

  Twenty minutes later I was staring at an eighteen-year-old Raven. “I look good for my age,” I said with a wink, and headed for home.

  4

  Hipsterville

  Mom, I’m not going to Siberia. I’ll be back in two days.” We were sitting at Dullsville’s Greyhound bus stop, outside Shirley’s Ice Cream Parlor. She was trying to strangle me with kisses when the bus squealed to the curb in front of a few other young Dullsvillians heading out early for spring break.